Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Long Overdue Update Time

I have not been writing lately because I decided to write a novel, which is a real practical thing to do when parenting two very small children and also when you haven't written fiction since grade school. It's going well, though. I started on January 20th, and now have 38k words done. It should be pretty good, I think.

In other, more interesting news, because no one likes hearing writers pontificate about writing, except for other writers who are usually too busy writing, Sunshine had her neurology appointment today. It went well-ish, despite the nurse jotting, "DO NOT APPROACH" on her chart because she really, really, really didn't want the nurse to listen to her heart. The neuro saw all of our concerns, and agrees that she has a lot of autism spectrum features, but he doesn't want to just jump to a diagnosis. He ordered a CMA, which is a chromosomal microarray analysis, which is a thing they do to see if there are any testable genetic quirks. Then we see him again in three months.

Odds are good she'll be diagnosed then, provided her genes are just the regular amount of quirky.

I don't know how I feel about it, frankly. When I first started this blog, I was 99% sure it was autism, and was all freaked out about it, because I'm an anxious wreck most of the time. Then I went through that whole acceptance process thing, and felt all better. Like, this is my kid, she's always been my kid, and she'll always be my kid, and she's practically perfect. This morning, before her appointment, I was 99% sure the neuro would say, "You, madam, are a crazy person. This child is perfectly typical but you are in dire need of serious medication."

But he didn't say that. He didn't even say let's just wait and see. He didn't say come back in six or nine or twelve months. Something's going on with her that warrants ruling out, or discovering, a genetic disorder.

I'm not usually good with recognizing my own complex emotions. Happy, sad, hungry- yeah, those are easy. But I feel something that I don't understand, something that's kind of like an emotional headache with an emotional stomachache. I don't know what it is, but my plan is to just ignore it until it goes away.

So, anyhow. That's the update. Overall, Sunshine's doing beautifully. She puts 4-5 words together now, like "Mama. Upstairs. New game. Room," to tell you she wants to get a new game out of my room, which is upstairs. She spent 4 days in Alabama with her dad and his mom. It was the longest she and I have ever been apart, and I missed her terribly. She... she knew I wasn't there, but didn't really care. Mixed blessing, I know. No one wants their kid to freak out every time they're out of sight, but, selfishly, it's hard to have a child who runs a little lukewarm emotionally. Okay, now I'm gonna go work on my book.